Santa Claus is Coming to Nicaea

Remember how the subtitle for this blog is ‘Politics and Poetry’?  And it’s basically all politics?  Well, this is not really *good* poetry, but what is a girl to do when someone complains about the lack of Christmas Carols celebrating Saint Nicholas (that’s Santa Claus to you) punching Arius (the heretic) at the Council of Nicaea?

I admit, the scansion is less than perfect.  It’s difficult to fit any really sound theology into lines of 5 or 7 syllables.  (And unsound theology has similar numbers of syllables to good theology, as it turns out.)  Also, technically, the bit about the Creed is ahistorical, because that happened *because* of Arius, not before him.  But I suspect that anyone who cares enough to nitpick… is exactly the right audience for this.

(I promise I’ll get back to the Victorian State Election results soon.)

Santa Claus is Coming to Nicaea

To the tune of… oh, I think you know what tune this goes to, don’t you?

I just came back from a lovely trip along Alexandria way
Stopped off at old Myra to spend a holiday
I called on dear old Santa Claus
To see what I could see
He took me to the vestry
And we talked theology

So! You better watch out, you better not claim
The Trinity was not always the same
Santa Claus is comin’ to town
He’s making a list of people who say
The Son is created, formed out of clay –
Santa Claus is comin’ to town

‘One being with the Father –
It’s right there in the Creed!
And from the Father and the Son
The Spirit does proceed!

So! You better watch out, you better not preach –
Homoousios’ is no figure of speech!
Santa Claus is comin’ to town

Sabellian was wrong,
Nestorius too –
And, Arius, now he’s coming for you…
Santa Claus is comin’ to town

To claim the Son is lesser
Displays a want of grace
And if Santa hears you saying that
He will punch you in the face!

So! You better not cry, you’d better not moan
And for God’s sake, leave the Trinity alone!
Santa Claus is comin’ to town…


PS – if silly jokes about the Trinity and heresy are your thing (and if you’ve read this far, I’m guessing they are), allow me to recommend to your attention this fairly fabulous video about Saint Patrick explaining the Trinity with bad analogies.

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