The Gas Heater Song (with apologies to Hall and Oates)

Our hot water system died.  The pilot light had been blowing out pretty consistently, and then it started doing alarming whoomphy flames when I re-lit it.  I was explaining to a friend that it only blows out at night, and suddenly I heard the opening bars of the Man Eater tune in my head…

She’ll only blow out at night
The hot and tricksy type
Nothing is new, I’ve been out here before
Freezing and listening
Ooh, she’s looking alright, but the pilot light’s no more
And nobody here can see
If the flame is on and the gas flows free
She’s cranky and old, and quite untamed by the threat of a gas-fitter
No more hot water
If you’re after a shower
You ain’t gonna get too far

(Damn, there she goes)
Watch out boy, she’ll blow you up
(Oh there she goes)
She’s the gas-heater…
(Oh there she goes)
Watch out boy, she’ll blow you up
(Damn, there she goes)
She’s the gas-heater…

I wouldn’t if I were you
I know what she can do
She spouts blue flames, she could really blow your house apart
Freezing the weather
Ooh, the fire is there but the cold is in her heart

(Damn, there she goes)
Watch out boy, she’ll freeze you dead
(Oh there she goes)
She’s the gas-heater…
(Oh there she goes)
Watch out boy, she’ll freeze you dead
(Damn, there she goes)
She’s the gas-heater…

Ooh,
Damn, there she goes
(No hot water!)
Watch out boy, she’ll blow you up
Damn, there she goes
(It’s cold)
Ancient gas heater!
Damn, there she goes
(Poor old gas heater!)
Ooh, she’ll blow us up
(Oh there she goes)
There she goes, no more gas heater
(Damn, there she goes)
(Watch out)
She’ll only blow out at night, ooh
(Damn, there she goes)
Late at night –
Good-bye gas heater!
(Oh, there she goes)
(She’s the gas heater)
When you’re in the shower – brr!
(Damn, there she goes)
There she goes
Watch out boy, watch out boy
(Damn, there she goes)
Oh, it’s cold, it’s cold, it’s cold, it’s cold
(Oh, there she goes)
Yeah yeah ancient gas heater
(Damn, there she goes)
(She’s a gas heater)
She’s biding her time ooh
(Oh, there she goes)
Oh, evil gas heater…